INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

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INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby JOEBLOW » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:16 pm

Does anyone have a list of things one can use in court.

--- Hello I am the administrator for the account ...
--- a third party intervener for the account ...

I am looking to study a variety of possible court conversations and how people have chosen to reply.

I accept your offer to arrest me upon proof of claim that you have the proper paperwork/warrant ....
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby Prajna » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:19 pm

You'll never learn them all, Joe. Instead, get to know who you are and then whatever you face you will know what to say.

Namaste (which rhymes)
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http://tomboy-pink.co.uk/ and http://DeclarePeace.org.uk/
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby knightron » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:49 pm

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do..
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

try a few of these.. :clap: :wink:
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby JOEBLOW » Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:38 pm

I just wanted to see samples ... wrap my head around potential questions and answers and why each scenario plays out that way ... I learn by examples ... I don't want to memorize what someone says.
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby Freeman Stephen » Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:00 pm

i am happy to grant jurisdiction to any court of justice provided that it can define in advance a satisfactory definition of justice upon which the proceedings will be based.
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby knightron » Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:23 pm


http://www.youtube.com/v/76ZEBq66gzg

Have a look at this guy bud... :shake: :yes:
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby ArturoDekko » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:36 pm

Knighton, that list of funnies really had me laughing. I was crying. :giggle:
S E E F O R Y O U R S E L F

Know yourself and you shall know the truth. The truth shall set you free.
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Re: INDEX OF FUN THINGS TO SAY IN COURT

Postby Freeman Stephen » Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:00 am

nice wig baldy. did you make it out a sheep?
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